Hope*

Mother.

The dictionary defines the word mother as "a female parent" but we all know this word stems from something so much deeper than that simple explanation. It is true that when we think of a mother our first thought might be that of a female parent but when looked at in a deeper meaning we can see this word for all of it's beauty. A mother is: a giver, lover, fighter, nurturer, educator, companion and so much more. She is the foundation for every family, the one who brings new life into this world. She knows how to demonstrate grace and beauty while facing the challenges of the world with extreme courage and strength.

There are those moments though where a Mother will be reminded of her pain and her agony, where grace and beauty will feel like a distant trait and strength will be hard to find. Today is one of those days. Today is a day that I am going to have to dig deep to see the joy, today is a day where I am going to have to look at something other than just the surface because today I am reminded that what my dreams for this day were suppose to be, will not be. Today I will look up at the sky, more than once, and wish that I could just see her one more time, or hold her one more time. Today I will look at the flowers still surrounding our house and think "I wish she was here." Today I will walk through my front door adorned by a pink cross and wish that it was hanging there for a much different purpose. Today I will be reminded that part of me is missing.

I know that today will not be easy, that today I will feel a great amount of sadness and that a part of me will feel empty. Today I will have to find the courage and strength to dwell a bit deeper in my soul  in order to find the beauty that I know surrounds me. Today I am going to rely on HOPE. I hope today that when I see the sun I am reminded of the light that she brings to me along with her brother. I hope that today when I see the wind blow I am reminded of the breaths I got to watch her take and I hope that when I feel the warmth of these two combined that I am reminded that I am so lucky to have been chosen to be her Mother and to get to hold her close.

Today, I will get to peer into the eyes of a little boy who helps bring me more completeness than he will ever know.  A little boy who will say "mom" and comfort me in my times of sorrow. As much as I want to yell to the sky this Mother's Day "THIS IS NOT HOW I IMAGINED IT" I will live for every moment with Levi and I will cherish every memory. A part of me is most definitely  missing on this Mother's Day but the other part of me is fully here; living life to it's greatest potential. Today I will pick up a broken piece and place it gracefully where it belongs so that I can keep moving forward on this unimaginable journey and be a Mother to an impeccable little boy here on earth and an immaculate little angel up in heaven. 

So I want to say Happy Mother's day to all of the incredible women out there, to those who celebrate today with huge smiles on their faces and to those who feel like a piece of themselves is missing. Women who have sacrificed so much each day to bring joy and life to the world, especially my Mom and Mother - in - law.... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

{*Harper, I hope I make you proud today. XoXo*}